Applying MMA Cornerman Analysis to Relationship Issues
After reading Mark Manson’s popular relationship post, I wondered how his “Six Toxic Relationship Habits Most People Think Are Normal” would look if I applied the problem types from “DramaGuru Revelation Card 4”.
An abbreviated version of his post follows just below.
“DramaGuru Revelation” is a creative problem solving game I created based on my mixed martial arts (MMA) sparring experience.
6 Toxic Relationship Habits Most People Think Are Normal
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Men and women are raised to objectify each other and to objectify their relationships. Thus, our partners are often seen as assets rather than someone to share mutual emotional support.
- Keeping score: SNAKE
- Dropping hints, being passive-aggressive: SNAKE
- Emotional blackmail: SNAKE
- Blaming your partner for your emotions: HIPPO
- Saying jealousy is how you show love: SNAKE
- Buying presents and special dinners to distract from problems in the relationship: SNAKE
Thank you, Mr. Manson, for that insight.
The overwhelming majority — five out of six — of Manson’s toxic habits fall under the same problem type, Snake.
Snake is a Level Red problem type
Snake: the type of problem that starts off feeling manageable, but then squeezes the life out of you. You will not win with a snake. The Snake slithers around you and chokes off your air.
Red means STOP.
Red means high threat level.
It takes two to Tango
The first step is to recognize that you are responsible for the toxic relationship habit:
- whether you are the one putting up with the toxic behavior
- or whether you are the one being toxic.
- You can’t force your partner to change.
- You can only make changes in your own behavior.
- Just pick one thing to work on.
- Pace yourself. You can’t fix this situation in one conversation.
When Trust is Lost
Your changes might shift your partner towards better behavior. But, if trust is lost — and with a snake, trust is not possible — you have a lot of work to do to transform your relationship into a safe harbor.
…and the SNAKE is winning
You win by making your partner (your opponent) submit to playing your game.
Dominate, control, win every round? That’s what I call winning by losing.
Is this the place where you hope to establish deep emotional support, loyalty and warmth? If you’re honest with yourself, you’ll realize that your relationship is in deep trouble.
But, what is your goal?
At this point in your DramaGuru journey, just figure out what’s going on. Relationships will always have issues. The best way to defeat a snake is to make sure problems are solved when they first appear.
DramaGuru is designed to help you figure out how to respond when things go wrong — without suffocating the ones you love.Play #DramaGuru and figure out how to respond when things go wrong -- without suffocating the… Click To Tweet
If you want more info: click over to Mark Manson’s original post for more on each toxic habit.
Then go to the Generate a DramaGuru Code Name for your Situation quiz.
Each one, teach one.
Practice Mixed Martial Arts (MMA) for your mouth. This post is a white belt DramaGuru lesson.
©DramaGuru Revelation 2014-2016 is a creative problem solving game created by Cheryl Ragsdale