This DramaGuru Smash provides examples of how a Collector convinces people that he is the victim — and not the bully. Unfortunately for Dan Hyatt, since he published his therapeutic rant, two more women came forward — with police support — claiming domestic abuse.
Thank you ☺️ also I do have copies of my police reports & family violence order against him.. he’ll say anything to look the victim 🙄
— Bec Rawlings (@RowdyBec) September 19, 2017
DramaGuru Case Study: Hyatt vs Rawlings Domestic Violence
Dan Hyatt’s (ex) wife, Bec Rawlings, accused him of domestic abuse. He denied it and accused her of being the abuser. To support his claim, Dan published 5,644 words explaining his side of the story on mmasucka.com on November 16, 2014.
That’s one lengthy explanation, but helpful, for anyone who wants verbal examples of things a Collector says to convince you of his innocence. Thank you, Dan, for this case study in how to spot a Collector as soon as he (or she) starts talking.
This is a DramaGuru Smash of what the world looks like from the point of view of a Collector. The Collector, featured in this verbal self-defense lesson, is called Dan Hyatt. In addition, you can view the problem by changing your seat in the audience from supporter to neutral to pretender. Based on the evidence provided, where you sit is up to you.
Truncated Version of Dan Hyatt vs Bec Rawlings Domestic Violence Accusation
For clarification and brevity, I selected specific blocks of text from Dan’s published post. Luckily, he gave a condensed, Cliff Note’s version that I used. Following my DramaGuru card analysis, I created the following problem statements.
Based on the DramaGuru cards chosen, here are the bones of the fight plan that Dan Hyatt designed, to steal power from a strong person, like his wife, Bec, a UFC fighter. When a verbal battle is this complex, you need mixed martial arts for your mouth.
How Dan Fights:
To win people to his side, Dan takes center stage, like a peacock, portraying himself as the victim and his ex-wife, Bec, as the abuser. Dan accused Bec of telling lies, of physically abusing him and of embarrassing him, personally and professionally. This is a classic bully-reversal game plan. To milk power from Bec (and the other women he abuses), Dan shames and humiliates with insults, fools them with lies and makes constant attempts to convince people to believe him. But, no one is safe when Dan is around. Because he treats his loyal, supporters the same way he treats women. Taking aim at a powerful person, makes an emotionally weaker person like Dan, feel stronger.
How Bec Responds:
Like many abused women, Bec retreated from Dan’s advances by taking the Ostrich position. Head in the sand, hiding out, until she finally got the courage to leave. Before leaving, Bec covered for Dan, maintaining the ruse that “all is well” because she was too embarrassed and ashamed to ask for help.
When a Collector speaks:
Avoid the trap by listening carefully to his or her words and noticing the disparity between word and deed. When a person is acting like a Collector, you are NOT safe. Don’t pretend that you are. And think these words — but don’t say them out loud! “Being with you, is like rearranging the deck chairs on the Titanic. Big waste of effort. We’re about to hit an iceberg.”
DramaGuru Cornerman Situation Analysis: Who’s in your audience?
As a person in the audience, you can listen to Dan’s story in one of four ways. But, proceed with caution. The swamp water is deep. Choose your position in his audience and then listen carefully to avoid falling into his trap.
And, remember the rule: Protect yourself at all times! Collectors eat fear.
- Supportive: You believe him. Wives abuse husbands too. He deserves a chance to defend himself.
- Neutral: Uncertain who to believe. Not wanting to read 5,644 words in order to determine who to believe.
- Pretender: Causing a state of confusion by pretending the opposite is true. You say you care about Bec, but really, you’re on Dan’s side. Or vice versa, saying you care about Dan (husband), but you’re secretly supporting Bec (wife).
- Opponent: this is an opponent from the audience position, not in-the-ring or on-the-mat. Watching from a safe distance in the audience. Ready to attack, whichever one you think is wrong.
DramaGuru Grandiose Attack
Grandiose defined: excessively grand or ambitious, over the top.
Dan Hyatt: “The wounded bird image…my estranged wife portrays, is falsified to a significant degree to increase marketability. Crocodile tears are a specialty!” MMASucka.com
It’s one thing to write it all down in your personal journal. But if you go to this length — publishing 5,466 words to bash your ex-wife’s accusation of domestic abuse, you are being grandiose.
Because Bec Rawlings is a UFC fighter, her ex-husband thought people would take her side of the story without question. Leaving Dan, the victim, with no public to stand up and support him.
That’s why Dan Hyatt decided to stand up for himself — and his honor — by publishing his side of the story online.
Dan Hyatt: “While I’m not perfect, having never claimed to be, my estranged wife’s story about domestic violence and abuse, mere allegations, mind you, that have zero criminal charges, restraining orders, police reports or credible, independent eye-witness statements to back it up, was conveniently released — over three months after our split — to take attention away from her still, widely assumed, and now believed, infidelity.” MMASucka.com
Fast Forward to September 2017: Two Women Accuse Dan Hyatt of Domestic Abuse
Bec Rawlings posted the following update on her Facebook page. “My thoughts are with the two victims, I know exactly what you went through & i wouldn’t wish that kind of physical & emotional torture on anybody. I hope the judge finally puts away this piece of shit that has been abusing girls for far too long, I wish I could turn back time & do things differently, I wish I had the guts to go ahead with pressing charges & not just having a Family Violence order in place hoping a piece of paper would stop this monster from hurting me & my boys, I guess you could say I was in denial & when I finally got out, I just ran & kept running, not knowing I could maybe of saved two more girls from experiencing the exact same torture I’d just escaped… all I can do now is sit back & be grateful. Not only myself & my boys made it out, but you two girls did too & I pray that the Justice System will actually do it’s job & put this coward away.”
Note: I guess Bec would know if Dan Enson Hyatt is the same person as Dan James Hyatt. Different names, different personalities. Maybe Dan added his son Enson’s name to his name as a show of fatherly connection, hoping Enson will google his own name one day and find his dad’s side of this dreadful story.
Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde: Abusers Have Two Sides
flim-flam: swindle (someone) with a confidence game. A trick or deception, especially a swindle or confidence game, involving skillful persuasion or clever manipulation of the victim.
It might be true that Dan is a flim-flam man.
People who gaslight have an “A” side and a “B” side. People fall in love with the affable, affectionate side, but get punished and abused by the contemptuous, violent side. Some people believe the abuser isn’t really aware of the two sides. Each side operates individually, leaving the person on the receiving end, very confused.
Because the gaslighter believes his story is true when he says it.
- “The fact that my estranged wife used a medium such as “The Ultimate Fighter” to garner sympathy is a laughable joke. And I’m over the charade.”
- “As her lover, husband and manager throughout the majority of her fight career — and directly responsible for building the image and popularity of which she holds — knowing exactly what type of person she is, I am perhaps, no better than her, and deserve no sympathy from the general public. I am not, however, as portrayed in her frivolous story about domestic violence.”
- “I am now, very much looking forward to moving on with my life, with up-and-coming Australian female fighter ‘Creepy’ Christina Tatnell. We are both very excited about the expected arrival of our son, Elson on December 26th. It is my greatest hope that some day he will get to meet his brother, Enson, but we are not holding our breath. Thank you for your support everyone!”
DramaGuru Peacock Position: All Eyes on Me…
In this case of domestic violence, Dan Hyatt has taken the position of Peacock, a person who needs to be the center of attention at all times. Dan listed his credentials: Australian MMA fighter for more than a decade, competed professionally 13 times, manages a successful fight academy, promoter for a fight organization and operated in a variety of capacities managing Bec’s MMA career.
- “My estranged wife’s attention-seeking, agenda-driven story released several months after our separation, was predictably one-sided.”
- “Details of my involvement in my estranged wife’s fight career — and sudden rise, from nobody to worldwide-known fight personality — are revealed.”
- “Despite her bullying past, Bec holds a position as an anti-violence and bullying ambassador for Fighters Against Child Abuse Australia (F.A.C.A.A).”
vs DramaGuru Ostrich Position: Act Normal
And unfortunately for Bec, she took the position of Ostrich. Confused, with her head in the sand. And her butt in the air.
“I guess you could say I was in denial…I wish I could turn back time & do things differently.” Bec Rawlings, Facebook Post
Here’s what Dan Hyatt had to say about how Bec behaved when they were married:
- “This story was also released to hide a well-known, but rarely mentioned case of infidelity, with another man, a failed, former UFC fighter.”
- “My estranged wife’s infidelity during our marriage is not her first case. Nor is it her first case of keeping one of her children away from their father.”
DramaGuru Eddie Attack: People Agree With Me and Are On My Side
It’s important to slip in an Eddie Attack, to get people on your side, defending you. Or to claim that people are ganging up on you. Be careful, people in the audience! This is where YOU get sucked into the trap. Dan does it by saying:
- “…leaves me, along with many others, with a bitter taste in our mouths regarding what media has become.”
- “Multiple bullying victims of her hidden past have spoken out, including those with restraining orders. But, of course, their stories have fallen on deaf ears.”
- “My estranged wife and I have a young child together, a child whom I’m prevented from building a relationship with, for no legal reason or logic.”
- “Anyone who has ever voiced their opinion or questioned my estranged wife regarding her bullying past and my allegations — [has] been ignored, blocked and deleted from her social media pages immediately.”
- “MMA media and social media destroyed my reputation without any proof or conviction relating to unfounded allegations made by my estranged wife.”
- “My students and I have been denied deserving opportunity on bigger stages directly because of my estranged wife’s influence and allegations.”
Gaslighters adjust reality to match what they believe to be true. The Cliff Notes Dan provides, paint a picture of Dan as the wounded party. That is the reality he would like people to believe.
- “I hold no criminal charges, arrests or history regarding any allegations made against me, despite…the fact, my estranged wife’s sister, is a serving member within the police force.”
- “Not only is my estranged wife a [spoiled] brat, who lashes out in petty and childish ways. But, she will also only give time to, or help those, who she believes can benefit her or her career. She has used people her whole life.”
- “Upon my estranged wife’s initial allegations against me of domestic violence and torment in August, 2013, a humorously contrived story supported by a handful of people who hold previous personal grievances and agendas against myself, I remained silent for over seven months, remaining steadfast against the wishes of friends, family and management who implored me to release a counter of events.”
DramaGuru Sneaky Millie: Believing Your Own Lies
When you’re unable to distinguish fact from fiction, you begin to believe your own lies. There are two ways to look at the situation:
- If Side A is talking, then it’s possible there’s no memory of the abuse. Because Side B did it. And Side B is well-hidden from Side A.
- There’s no separation. There’s just a complete person being devious and abusive.
Only Bec Hyatt (and the two women who filed a domestic violence complaint) can answer that question. Here are Dan Hyatt’s thoughts on the truth.
- “Upon the release of my initial side of events earlier this year, my estranged wife took to social media to declare that she was ‘extremely disappointed’ that our ‘private relationship troubles’ had been made so public by me, and that she would speak about them no more. This is despite the fact, she had been milking them for seven months prior and continues to talk about them.”
- “I am fully aware and appreciative that my claims will be seen as [biased]. And no doubt, as an attempt by a jealous, bitter, estranged husband — to not only save face in light of controversy, but to also act in revenge, in hope of derailing my estranged wife’s popularity and fame. Although completely untrue, I have dealt with such accusations for almost eighteen months now.”
- “MMA media and social media destroyed my reputation without any proof or conviction relating to unfounded allegations made by my estranged wife.
- “Due to my estranged wife’s claims, my name and reputation have been universally dragged through the dirt alongside convicted, proven criminals, pedophiles, child abusers, rapists and domestic violence perpetrators.”
DramaGuru Revelation: How Do You Fight?
In any verbal battle, disagreement, argument, debate or fight, each person (or group) takes a position to play from.
Power Play: tactics exhibiting or intended to increase a person’s power or influence.
In this DramaGuru Smash, Dan Hyatt has taken the victim position
- “…my version is most notably not as one-sided as my estranged wife’s. Upon the release of my side of events, do you think any major MMA outlet gave me the right of rebuttal? Or do you think they ignored it, as I assumed they would? I mean, given that I don’t have 40,000 followers, as a human being in today’s society, what worth do I have, right?”
- “…as it now continues to dawn upon me that, in reality, no matter how polite I am or how deserving I am, in the future, throughout my endeavors as a fighter, trainer or promoter, a vast majority of people will always believe that I am the person portrayed by my, much more popular, estranged wife. And will prevent me, or anyone who may associate with me, from opportunity. Thus far, this has been experienced many times already, not only by myself, but by my fighters.”
- “Am I capable of doing bad things? Sure. I can be a right, horrible cunt. But am I the person portrayed in my entirety, within a frivolous, one-sided, agenda driven story? If I am, I’m an extremely talented actor. I am thankful for my true friends, those who have supported me throughout my estranged wife’s continued, tired charade, and those who judge me on my own merits and morality. Friends who are loyal, a word not present in my estranged wife’s vocabulary. A word she is not even familiar with!”
There are thousands more therapeutic rant words to read…in case you think you missed something or need more clarification. And now, I’ve added my 2,000 words to decipher this emotional mess. However, if one person is helped to heal or to avoid — or to escape — from a similar situation, my time was well-spent.
Dan Hyatt Quotes Source: Dan Hyatt responds to Bec Rawlings recent allegations
Photo Credit: pixabay, girl on cell phone
All DramaGuru images designed by Cheryl Ragsdale